You come home from a perfectly pleasant evening and realise nobody asked about the news you were hoping to share. Another invitation might be the last thing you want. You might prefer ten minutes with the friend who remembers why that news matters. When you’re deciding how to deal with loneliness, that detail can help you choose what to try first.
Think about one moment when you particularly missed someone. Were you longing to tell a story, to be included in a plan, or simply to hear someone moving about in the next room? Your answer can change from day to day. Our guide to loneliness explains why the feeling can turn up even when your diary is full.
For today, choose something you can actually do
Suppose it’s six o’clock, you’ve finished work and you miss the few minutes you used to spend walking to the bus with a colleague. A big social event is a poor match for what you’ve lost. You could send that colleague a short message. “I walked past the old bus stop today. Did you ever finish that book you were reading?” It gives them something easy to answer and you something you genuinely want to hear about.
If there’s nobody you want to message, ask a different question. Would you like to spend part of this evening somewhere people are around? You could take your book to a library that opens late or walk to a shop you know, if either is practical. Check opening times before heading out. You can enjoy being somewhere familiar without setting yourself a target for how many people to speak to.
If going out is too much today, leave yourself one small opening for another day. Save the number for a local group, write the first line of a message or find out what time a friend finishes their shift. You may still feel lonely afterwards. The point of the step is that tomorrow you’ll have a number, some words or a time to start from.
Tell one person which bit of the week feels lonely
“I’m lonely” can feel like an enormous announcement. You can narrow it down. “I miss having somebody to eat with on Fridays” tells a friend something they might otherwise never guess. Perhaps they’d like to eat together sometimes. Perhaps they live a long way away and would fancy a call while you both get dinner ready.
If you’re worried that they’ll hear it as criticism, say what you appreciate already. “I love our family group chat. I miss hearing your voice sometimes, though. Are you free for a call on Wednesday?” They may suggest a different day or say they can only manage ten minutes. Ten minutes can be a perfectly good arrangement if it suits you both.
When a friend offers advice before you’ve finished, try “Would you let me tell you what evenings have been like first?” If you’re unsure how to describe what’s happening, our guide to how loneliness can show up may give you some words. You can also keep the conversation light and ask about their week. You get to choose how much you share.
If you have nobody obvious to ring
Some suggestions assume you already have a friend on standby. If you don’t, a regular activity with a named organiser gives you a different way in. Look for something you’d enjoy doing even if the first visit is quiet: a drawing session, a repair café, a film discussion or helping to sort donations. Your local library or community centre may know what’s running nearby.
You could ask the organiser, “I’d be coming on my own. Who should I ask for when I arrive?” If you’d rather watch for the first session, ask whether that’s possible. Find out about costs, access, noise levels and the journey home before committing. In a big city, something a short walk away may be more realistic to repeat than a perfect-sounding group two trains away. Our guide to loneliness in London looks at that experience in more detail.
If the first group feels wrong, work out which bit didn’t suit you. Was the activity interesting but the room too loud? Did you enjoy talking while setting out chairs, then lose interest when the meeting began? Those details can help you decide whether to try another time, ask about a practical role or look elsewhere. You don’t owe anyone a second visit.
Free ways to speak with somebody
For UK adults aged 55 and over, Age UK’s Silver Line offers free conversation by telephone on 0800 4 70 80 90, around the clock. You can contact it directly. If you’re younger, or you’d prefer to speak to the same person regularly, look at local befriending schemes and ask who they serve, how matching works and whether there’s a waiting list.
The NHS guide to getting help with loneliness suggests asking your GP about social prescribing. Where available, a link worker may help you find local activities or support. You can explain practical limits at the outset. For example, “I can get into town on Tuesdays, but I need somewhere I can sit down and hear one person at a time.”
Find out what’s worth repeating
After you’ve tried something, consider the bit you’d choose to do again. Maybe the chat on the way to a class was more enjoyable than the class itself. You could ask the person you walked with whether they fancy a walk another week. Maybe your sister called when you were trying to get a meal on the table, and you scarcely heard a word. You could ask to move the call half an hour later.
There’s a difference between a plan you can make once and one you can comfortably keep. Travel costs, caring responsibilities and changing shifts can make a weekly commitment difficult. A group you can drop into, or a phone call you arrange one at a time, may suit you better. If limited chances for contact are the difficulty, our practical guide to reconnecting has more options for home and away.
When it’s worth speaking to your GP
If low mood lasts for more than two weeks, you’re struggling to cope, or the things you’ve tried aren’t helping, the NHS advises speaking to your GP. You can describe the changes you’ve noticed in your own words. “I’ve stopped looking forward to the weekend and I’m finding ordinary tasks hard” is enough to begin. You can ask for support even if you can’t say exactly why you feel this way. For an urgent situation, use the routes below.
If what you’d like is an ordinary, booked phone conversation, Let’s Just Talk OK offers paid calls to UK adults aged 18 and over. You choose the befriender and the appointment time. You can read about finding someone to talk to by phone and decide whether that arrangement fits your week.
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