Sometimes the hardest part of the weekend is the question on Friday afternoon. “Anything nice planned?” You say you’re having a quiet one, which is true, and leave out the bit about wishing you had somebody to have a quiet one with. You don’t have to come up with an impressive answer to that question. It may be enough to change one part of the weekend that usually drags.
Which part would you choose? Saturday breakfast, when everyone seems to have somewhere to be? The gap after the football results? Sunday tea, when you’d like someone to talk to about your week? A plan for a particular hour is easier to make than trying to fill two whole days.
Make one arrangement that suits the difficult bit
Suppose you’re quite happy on Saturday mornings. You go out for the paper, buy a few bits and enjoy choosing what to cook. It’s getting home at two and seeing the rest of the afternoon stretching ahead that you dislike. A friend inviting you out at nine in the morning might be generous, but it doesn’t answer the particular thing you miss. You can say, “I’ve got a morning routine I quite like. Would you fancy a brew afterwards instead?”
If you haven’t anybody to invite, look for one thing that will take place without you having to organise the people. There might be a library event, an amateur match you can watch or a market you like walking round. Check whether it’s open that day, what the journey costs and how you’ll get back. Going for half an hour with permission to leave can be easier to picture than committing to a whole afternoon.
When Saturday looks busier on your phone than it does at home
There can be a sharp contrast between folding washing in a quiet flat and seeing photographs from other people’s parties. If opening an app leaves you wishing you hadn’t, you can choose when to look at it again. You could also use the phone for something more specific. Rather than reading every update, send one person a question about a book they mentioned or a photograph you know they’d enjoy.
If a particular picture bothers you because you would have liked an invitation, give yourself time to decide what you want to do about it. Maybe you want to see one friend from the group. An invitation to meet that person for lunch next week can stand on its own. You don’t have to settle what happened at the party before you’re allowed to arrange a different outing.
Try an invitation with a beginning and an end
“Are you doing anything this weekend?” can sound like a much larger question than you intended. Try “I’m walking down to the bakery about ten. Fancy coming as far as the corner?” They know the time, the place and how much of the morning you have in mind. If they can’t make it, you can still decide whether you want the walk and the bread.
When somebody lives far away, build the call around something you both do. You might put the same match on and ring at half-time, or have a chat while you each start Sunday lunch. With a friend who has children or works weekends, ask which ten minutes they could actually spare. If you’d like to tell them more plainly why you’re asking, our guide to asking for help includes small, specific requests.
If money, energy or access limits the options
A weekend plan doesn’t have to involve a restaurant bill or a town-centre journey. Swap a puzzle with a neighbour. Pick a radio programme to listen to with a friend and disagree about it afterwards. If you can go out, ask whether a local activity has somewhere to sit or a quieter session before setting off. A place can be free to enter and still be impractical once you allow for the bus fare and the walk from the stop.
If a group trip doesn’t work for you, say which bit does. “I can’t do the long walk, but I’d like to meet you for the last half-hour at the café” gives your friend something to work with. Or pick something you can do entirely from home. A short exchange you chose for yourself is worth considering even when your calendar still looks fairly empty.
When other people depend on you all weekend
It’s possible to be busy from breakfast to bedtime and still miss talking to another adult. An invitation to “pop out whenever” may be almost impossible to use if you’re caring for somebody or looking after children. A call while the children watch a programme or a visitor who is happy to sit in your kitchen while you make tea may be much closer to what you need.
If weekends change depending on where your children are staying, different weeks may need different plans. One Saturday could mean finding five quiet minutes for yourself; the next could feel far too quiet. Our guide to loneliness as a single parent explores that contrast. You don’t need one routine that fits both.
Give Sunday evening a little shape
Put one ordinary thing in the part of Sunday you find most awkward. You could choose a film before the evening starts, make enough of a favourite meal for Monday, or ask a friend to send you their verdict when the final episode ends. Picking it in advance saves having to invent a plan just when you least feel like deciding.
If Sunday feels difficult because you’ve scarcely spoken to anyone all week, it may be worth changing something earlier as well. Our guide to working from home and feeling lonely looks at the contact that can disappear when work moves indoors. For more about the feeling itself, see our guide to loneliness.
On Monday, remember which part you’d willingly do again. You can repeat the same small arrangement next week, ask for something different, or leave the day free. If you’d prefer a booked phone conversation, UK adults aged 18 and over can choose someone to talk to by phone. Check the calendar for the individual befriender’s available appointments.
