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You can enjoy a day alone and still miss having someone to tell about it. Equally, a busy day at work can leave you feeling on the outside. This free check offers a way to put words to that experience. You don’t need an account, an appointment or a particular score to look for support.
How often do these experiences fit?
This is a score companion to the questions the Office for National Statistics recommends for adult surveys. For the original wording, read Table 1 in the ONS guidance. Choose the answer that feels closest for each of the first three experiences. The fourth answer is optional and stays separate.
What your score can tell you
The three-item measure comes from Hughes and colleagues (2004). You can also calculate your result on paper. Give each of the first three answers 1 point for the least frequent answer, 2 for the middle answer or 3 for the most frequent answer. Add those three numbers. For example, choosing the middle answer, then the most frequent, then the least frequent gives 2 + 3 + 1 = 6. The possible total runs from 3 to 9.
A higher total means the experiences you picked came up more often. The check cannot diagnose a condition or tell you which support you need. Two people can get 6 for quite different reasons. Someone who misses one close friend may want a different kind of contact from someone who would like to join an existing group. Which of your own answers matters most to you?
The direct question gives you room to use the word “lonely” on your own terms. If that answer seems different from the three-item total, you can keep both. The ONS treats them as separate measures. The calculator works on this page without submitting or saving the answers you select.
What might fit today?
If there’s one person you miss, you could send them something specific: “I saw that programme we used to watch. Fancy a catch-up this week?” If what you miss is everyday company, a library event or a regular local group might suit you better. You can also explore free befriending options or use our guide to UK loneliness support.
Our guide to being alone and feeling lonely explores the difference between solitude that you choose and contact you miss. If an evening of scrolling leaves you wanting an actual conversation, try the guide to loneliness and social media. You can find more free reading in the loneliness hub.
If you need urgent mental health help in England, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option. For help elsewhere in the UK, follow the nation-specific guidance on our urgent help page. Samaritans can listen free, day or night, on 116 123.
If you’d like someone to talk to by phone at a time you choose, Let’s Just Talk OK offers paid calls for UK adults aged 18 and over. A 30-minute call costs £30 and a 60-minute call costs £45. You choose the befriender, who rings from our office number. You can see available appointments whenever it suits you.
