“I’ve been looking forward to this call, and now I can’t think of a thing to say.” If that’s the first thing that comes to mind when you answer, you already have an opening line. Your first phone conversation can be about something on your mind, something on the telly or the fact that you fancied a chat over lunch.
With Let’s Just Talk OK, your chosen befriender rings you from our office number at the time you’ve booked. You can read how the phone call works beforehand. Choosing a topic can wait until you hear the person at the other end.
Start with the last thing that happened
Imagine answering the phone just as you’ve sat down with a brew. You could say, “I’ve only just rescued my toast. Do you like yours nearly burnt, or is that just me?” A kitchen mishap gives the other person something specific to picture. In two sentences you might be talking about your grandad’s breakfasts, the smell of a bakery or the time somebody set off the smoke alarm.
The story can be smaller still. Tell them what you can see out of the window. A neighbour trying to get a sofa through a doorway has a beginning, a middle and, with a bit of luck, an end. You can tell part of it and let the other person ask what happened next.
Borrow an opening line if you’d like one
- For a light chat: “I’m after a new series to watch. The last one had a brilliant first episode and I gave up by the third.”
- When it’s been quiet: “I’ve spoken to people at work all day, but this is the first chat I’ve had for myself.”
- When something’s bothering you: “Could I tell you about a conversation I keep replaying? I’d like to get the words out.”
- When you feel shy: “Would you mind asking me something to get us going?”
Use words you’d actually say. If “How’s your day been?” is how you usually answer a call, start there. You can move on from small talk whenever you like. Our printable conversation cards have a few more ideas if having one beside the phone appeals to you.
Choose how much of the story to tell
Suppose a friend used to ring you on the walk home every Friday. The calls stopped months ago. Explaining the entire friendship could take up the whole appointment. You could start with the part that matters today: “It’s Friday again and I miss having somebody to tell about my week.” That gives your listener a way in, even if you never get round to the rest of the story.
You can leave names out, stick to what happened this afternoon, or say you’d rather leave a detail private. If losing touch is the part you want to explore, our guide to coping when a friendship ends is there to read in your own time.
What if there’s a silence?
On the phone you can’t see somebody nodding. A pause can leave both people waiting for the other to speak. “Are you still there?” or “Give me a second, I’ve lost my thread” clears that up. If you missed a word, try saying which bit you heard: “I caught the part about the garden. What did you say after that?”
If you draw a blank, come back to something already mentioned. “You asked me earlier what I do on Saturdays. I’ve just thought of something.” Or change direction completely. There’s nothing wrong with talking about a difficult week for ten minutes and spending the rest of the call arguing the merits of custard creams.
If you want someone to listen while you let off steam
You can tell the befriender what sort of response would suit you. “Can I finish the story first?” leaves room to tell it at your own pace. “Could you tell me what you heard me say?” invites them to reflect something back. If you would rather have an ordinary back-and-forth, say that too. Your preference can change halfway through.
Sometimes a subject feels easier to raise with someone outside your usual circle. If several things are jostling for attention, our guide to talking through an overwhelming day offers ways to pick a starting point.
A minute before the phone rings
Find a spot where you can hear comfortably, with the phone within reach. If you like having a prompt, jot down a couple of words: “Sunday lunch”, “bus stop”, “that message”. A sentence can make you feel you have to read it out exactly. Two words are usually enough to remind you why you wanted to mention something.
If someone walks into the room, you’re allowed to say, “Hang on a moment while I move somewhere quieter.” You can also keep the subject light when privacy is limited. Choosing someone to talk to by phone leaves you in charge of how much you share.
When it’s nearly time to finish
If there’s one thing you still want to say, a line like “Before we go, can I tell you the funny bit?” helps you use the remaining time. A simple “Thanks for the chat, I’m going to get my lunch now” works equally well. There’s no homework afterwards and nothing you have to decide during the call.
Let’s Just Talk OK offers booked phone conversations for UK adults aged 18 and over. For practical details about choosing a befriender, picking a call length and answering at the booked time, see how it works.
