You ring your dad on Sunday, ask “Anything new?” and get “No, not really.” Now what? Try sharing one detail of your own, then pick a question either of you might enjoy answering. These conversation starters are for calls with a parent, grandparent, neighbour or someone you’re just getting to know.
There are twelve cards. Take one into a call or print the set and leave it by the phone. If the first question starts a good story, you’ve already got what you came for.
Pick a conversation starter
- Today
What’s been the best bit of your day so far?
It can be tiny. Mine was the first cup of tea. What made yours a good moment?
- Something nearby
If I were sitting where you are, what would catch my eye?
Pick something at your end too. A wonky shelf or a mug can make a better story than a perfect view.
- Music
If you had charge of the radio for the next song, what would you put on?
Ask whether to look it up together. They might want to hear it more than they want to explain the choice.
- Food
What would you put on the menu if somebody else was doing all the washing-up?
You can disagree about pudding. An opinion is enough; nobody has to remember a recipe.
- Places
Where would you take a visitor who only had an afternoon in your area?
Let them choose what counts as worth seeing. Ask what you should look out for when you get there.
- Local news
Has anything round your way changed lately?
A new crossing or a closed shop can open a conversation. Ask what it’s like now, rather than what year it changed.
- A small decision
I need something to watch or listen to. What would get your vote?
Give two choices if that’s easier. A firm ‘neither’ gives you something to talk about too.
- A skill
What’s something you could teach me to do?
Ask for the first step. If they like, next time you can tell them how your attempt went.
- A memory, if welcome
Is there a journey you still like telling people about?
Follow whatever detail they choose. If travel or the past feels uncomfortable, try the radio card instead.
- A friendly debate
What everyday invention deserves more credit?
Give your own nomination first if they like. A tin opener and a washing machine are both fair game.
- Looking ahead
Is there anything coming up this week you’d like me to ask about next time?
It might be a match on television or a plant about to flower. Only promise to ring if you can keep the arrangement.
- Their turn
What would you like to ask me?
Give a proper answer. It’s a conversation, and the other person may be just as curious about your week as you are about theirs.
Download all 12 conversation cards (PDF, 3 A4 pages). You can print the sheet or keep it on your phone.
On a first call, start with something you can both answer
“What did you do this week?” sounds easy until somebody asks you and your mind goes blank. Try “I heard a song on the radio this morning that I hadn’t heard for years. What would you have the DJ play?” You’ve given them something to answer, and something to ask you about. If they’ve never liked music, leave the card there and see where their answer takes you.
Give the other person room to steer
Try one question at a time. A pause on the phone can sound longer than it is. Let it sit for a moment. If you miss a word, say which bit you missed. “I caught the part about the market. What happened after that?” is easier to answer than starting the whole story again. If hearing each other is difficult, ask whether moving somewhere quieter or trying another time would suit.
There’s no need to turn a chat into a memory test. “What was it like there?” gives somebody more room than “You remember the year, don’t you?” And an older person is as entitled to talk about today’s match, their neighbour’s new fence or next week’s plans as they are to talk about childhood.
When a subject falls flat
If you get two short answers in a row, put the cards aside. You could ask, “Would you rather hear what happened to me yesterday?” If something sad comes up, give the person a choice about staying with it. A simple “Do you want to tell me more about her?” leaves the decision with them. A shorter call can be just right.
Before you say goodbye, pick up a detail they’ve mentioned. “Tell me how the tomatoes do” gives you a natural place to start next time. If you live a long way apart, you might each listen to the same programme or have a look at the same photograph before the next call.
Other ways to find a conversation
For a free conversation, people aged 55 and over in the UK can ring Age UK’s Silver Line on 0800 4 70 80 90 at any time. If you’re unsure about an unexpected caller, see how to tell if a call is genuine. Our guide to where to turn when you have no one to talk to offers other starting points.
If you’re considering a booked call, read about befriending for older people, how it works and our frequently asked questions. Let’s Just Talk OK offers adults aged 18 and over someone to talk to by phone.
If you need urgent help
If someone is in immediate danger or you cannot keep someone safe, call 999 or go to A&E. In England, for urgent mental health help, ring 111 and select the mental health option. See the NHS urgent help guidance. Samaritans are available free, day or night, on 116 123. For other UK routes see Need help now?. Booked befriending calls are for ordinary conversation.
