Befriending offers social contact and conversation. Counselling offers support from a trained professional to explore feelings, experiences and difficulties. Both involve being listened to, but their purpose, boundaries and responsibilities differ.
If you are lonely, unsure what you need, or comparing a listening service with therapy, you do not have to diagnose yourself before asking for help. Start with what is happening in your life and what you hope support will do. You can also use both kinds of support alongside each other.
What is befriending?
Befriending is an organised way to have friendly contact with another person. Depending on the organisation, that might mean a regular telephone conversation, a visit or a shared activity. Some services use volunteers; others charge for scheduled conversations.
You might talk about your week, a television programme, something that has worried you or news you have nobody to share with. You do not need a serious topic. Ordinary conversation can matter when there is very little of it in your day.
A befriender’s role is not to diagnose a mental health condition or provide psychological treatment. Training, supervision and safeguarding arrangements differ between organisations, so check the particular service rather than assuming the word “befriending” guarantees a certain qualification. Our guide to the possible benefits of befriending explains what the research can and cannot tell us.
What is counselling or therapy?
The NHS describes counselling as a talking therapy involving a trained therapist who listens and helps you find ways to deal with emotional issues. People seek it for many reasons, including relationship difficulties, loss, distress and mental health problems.
Counselling is not necessarily somebody telling you what to do. A counsellor may help you explore your own understanding and choices. Other talking therapies have different methods: some focus on patterns of thinking or behaviour, while others allow more open exploration. You can ask a practitioner how they work before deciding whether their approach suits you.
Therapy does not mean you will be judged, treated as a problem or forced to talk about everything immediately. A respectful professional should explain the process, confidentiality and boundaries, and give you room to ask questions. Sessions may take place in person, by telephone or online. The format alone does not tell you whether a conversation is therapy.
Which need are you trying to meet?
These examples are starting points, not a test or a diagnosis.
- “I miss having someone to chat with.” Befriending, a local group or a regular arrangement with someone you know may help meet a need for social contact.
- “I keep struggling with the same feelings or experiences.” A GP or qualified therapist can help you explore what support might be appropriate.
- “I want company, and I am also finding everyday life hard to manage.” You may need both social connection and professional support. You do not have to choose only one.
- “I need help with washing, meals, medication or staying safe at home.” This calls for a discussion about practical support or care. Read about befriending and companionship care; a friendly call cannot meet all care needs.
Not wanting advice does not automatically mean befriending is the better option. Counselling can also offer careful listening without instructions. Likewise, wanting a friendly chat does not mean your loneliness is trivial. The useful distinction is the support and responsibility you need from the person you speak to.
When to seek professional support
Consider talking to your GP or an appropriate mental health professional if distress is persistent, getting worse or affecting sleep, eating, work, relationships or looking after yourself. You can ask for help before things become severe. If you are unsure whether what you are experiencing needs treatment, that uncertainty is a reasonable thing to take to a professional.
Loneliness can overlap with anxiety, depression, grief and other difficulties. A befriender cannot reliably separate these out or decide that you do not need care. A conversation may feel comforting without addressing the underlying problem. Do not use a booked social call as a reason to delay an assessment or stop treatment you have been offered.
If you are already receiving care, you can tell your clinician that loneliness remains difficult and ask what additional social support might fit. Friendly contact between appointments can have a place, but your befriender should not take over clinical decisions or advise you to change medication.
How to find counselling and talking therapies
In England, adults can usually self-refer to NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression. You do not need an existing diagnosis. Services generally support people aged 18 and over, with some accepting 16- and 17-year-olds. A GP can also help you decide on a route, especially if you are unsure what kind of support you need.
That England self-referral route is not a single UK-wide system. If you live in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland, check your local NHS or health service information, or speak to your GP. Availability and referral arrangements vary. The NHS overview of talking therapies also explains options such as support through some charities, employers and education providers.
If you choose private counselling, ask about qualifications, professional registration, experience relevant to your concerns, fees and cancellation terms. Check a register directly rather than relying only on a logo on a website. The BACP Register is one place to check a practitioner’s registration and understand the standards involved; other relevant professional registers exist too.
What should you check before booking either service?
Ask who you will speak to, what their role includes and what happens if your needs fall outside it. You should be able to understand the service without having to interpret vague promises about wellbeing or transformation.
- Is this social conversation, counselling or another named form of support?
- What training, professional registration or supervision applies to this particular role?
- What does it cost, and can you stop without an ongoing commitment?
- What information is recorded, who can access it and when might confidentiality be broken?
- What happens if you become distressed, miss a session or need urgent help?
- How do you raise a concern or request a different person?
Our guide to choosing a listening service covers practical checks. If cost is a concern, compare free and paid befriending. Price is not evidence that one kind of conversation can replace another.
Can you try befriending while waiting for therapy?
You may choose friendly contact while waiting, provided the service understands its limits and you continue with the support you need. It should not be sold as equivalent treatment or a way to bypass professional care. If your situation changes or worsens during a wait, contact your GP or the service handling your referral rather than simply waiting for the next appointment.
Think about what would feel manageable: a telephone conversation, meeting someone face to face or joining an activity with a shared focus. Our comparison of telephone and face-to-face befriending may help you consider access, privacy and personal preference.
If you need help now
Befriending appointments are not crisis support. If there is immediate danger or you cannot keep yourself or someone else safe, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent mental health help that is not an immediate emergency, use the appropriate urgent NHS service for your area. Our urgent help page brings together support routes. Do not wait for a booked call if you need help sooner.
Where our calls fit
Let’s Just Talk OK offers scheduled telephone conversations for adults aged 18 and over. Our calls are social conversation, not counselling, therapy, medical advice or crisis support. You can read how the calls work before deciding. If friendly conversation is the support you are looking for, the someone to talk to page explains the service.
2 Responses