A ringing phone can bring a surprising amount of pressure. You might worry about finding the right words, speaking over someone, or being asked a question before you have had time to think. Wanting a conversation and feeling unsure about a phone call can happen together.
This guide offers practical ways to prepare, without expecting you to become a confident caller overnight. If you are considering a booked conversation, knowing how the call works can remove some of the guesswork. These are everyday suggestions, not treatment for anxiety.
What makes phone calls feel difficult?
Different parts of a call can be difficult for different people. An unexpected ring leaves little time to prepare. Without seeing the other person, it can be harder to tell when they have finished speaking. You may worry about an awkward silence, losing your train of thought or not knowing how to end the conversation.
Sometimes the difficulty is practical. Background noise, an unreliable signal or difficulty hearing speech can make a call tiring. Needing a slower pace or a different way to communicate is a real access need; it does not mean you are bad at conversation.
Try identifying the particular part you would like to make more manageable. “I do not know how to start” gives you something specific to prepare for. It is different from deciding that the whole call has to go perfectly.
Before the call: make a small plan
Choose a time with a little room around it
For a planned chat with a friend, agree a time rather than hoping to catch them at a good moment. If possible, avoid fitting the call between two things that already make you feel rushed. Put the time somewhere you will notice it, and check your phone has charge.
You do not need a special setting. A place where you can hear and speak comfortably is enough. If other people are nearby, think about what you would feel comfortable discussing within earshot.
Write down two or three prompts
A few words can be easier to use than a full script. You might note something you watched, a small event from your day, or a question you wanted to ask. For a practical call, write down the reason for calling and any details you need to hand.
Your notes are there if you want them. You do not have to cover every point or keep the conversation on a fixed track. A chat can begin with the ordinary things that happened today.
Prepare one opening sentence
If the first few seconds are the hardest part, choose a simple opening in advance. For example:
- “Hello, I am a little nervous on the phone, so I might take a moment.”
- “I thought we could start with how the day has been.”
- “I have a couple of things written down because I sometimes lose my words.”
These are possible starting points, not lines you have to memorise. Use words that sound like you.
During the call: you can ask for what you need
You can say that you would prefer one question at a time. You can ask someone to repeat a sentence, slow down or give you a moment to think. If you both start speaking at once, a simple “You go ahead” can restart the conversation.
A pause does not need an instant explanation. You might be thinking, checking a note or deciding what you want to say. “Let me think for a moment” is enough if you would like to make that clear.
You also choose how much to share. You can say, “I would rather talk about something else,” or “I am not ready to go into that.” An everyday conversation does not require a personal disclosure.
For a casual call, it can help to agree an ending beforehand: “I have about ten minutes, but I wanted to say hello.” When it is time to finish, “Thank you for the chat; I am going to go now” is a complete ending.
Our guide to talking to a neutral listener explores what that kind of conversation can offer, and its limits.
What happens on a booked befriending call?
At Let’s Just Talk OK, you choose your befriender and an available time. At the booked time, your befriender rings the phone number supplied for the call, from the office number, which shows on your phone. You do not have to make the outgoing call.
The conversation is by phone only. There is no video meeting to join. You can begin with how your day has gone, an interest or a favourite television programme. You do not need to arrive with a serious subject or a prepared story.
This is paid befriending for adults aged 18 and over. It is not counselling, therapy, medical care or a crisis service. A booked conversation is not a programme for treating a fear of calls, and we cannot promise how you will feel afterwards. Our someone to talk to page explains the service and its limits.
If speaking by phone is not right for you
You do not have to buy a call to practise conversation. An agreed chat with someone you know may be a place to start. If telephone speech is inaccessible or exhausting, ask the organisation you need to contact about written or other accessible options. Check what it actually offers before relying on an alternative.
If fear is stopping you from doing things you need or want to do, speak to a GP. The NHS guidance on social anxiety explains when to seek help. Disliking phone calls alone does not establish a diagnosis.
If an upcoming holiday is part of what is on your mind, our guide to being alone at Christmas includes ideas for the day and the weeks around it.
If a booked conversation feels like an option you want to explore, you can read how telephone befriending works before deciding.
Need urgent support?
Let’s Just Talk OK is not an emergency or crisis service. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999. In England, for urgent mental health help, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option. Samaritans offers free listening support day or night on 116 123. See our urgent-help page for further support routes.
Sources checked 2 November 2026: NHS: social anxiety; NHS: urgent mental health help; Samaritans: contact a Samaritan.
