If you feel lonely this afternoon, it’s worth asking what you’d like an activity to give you. Do you want a voice in the room while you make lunch? An excuse to get out of the house? Somebody who will laugh at the same terrible film? Choosing for the afternoon you’re actually having makes a long list of suggestions much easier to use.
Here are some free and low-cost ideas for adults. Some involve talking; others let you be around people without having to introduce yourself. You can try one for twenty minutes. If none fits today, our loneliness guide can help you think about the sort of contact you miss.
At home, with a little company
Give somebody a tiny choice to make. Pick two records, two recipes or two books you already own. Send a friend a picture and ask, “Which would you go for?” You’re offering a question they can answer between other things. If they choose the recipe, you have a reason to send a second message later, including if dinner looks absolutely nothing like the photograph.
Make a small occasion of something ordinary. Agree on a television quiz, then text each other your most confidently wrong answer. Or ring someone when you’ve both got the kettle on. It helps to name the duration if that makes it easier to say yes: “Fancy a chat for the ten minutes before the programme starts?” There’s room to carry on another day if you both enjoy it.
Give an old photo a new audience. Choose one picture that reminds you of a place or a person. Ask someone who was there what they remember about it. A photo of a disappointing caravan holiday might get a better story going than a perfect family portrait. If you would rather keep it private, write a caption for yourself and put it in the album. The activity can still be worth your time without a reply.
Out of the house, without buying a ticket
Give a familiar walk a purpose. Take a route that works for your energy and mobility, and look for something particular: the oldest date above a doorway, the most improbable garden ornament or a view you’d send to someone. Pick an accessible stopping point before setting out. You can turn back there without feeling you’ve abandoned a bigger plan.
Ask a librarian for one local suggestion. “Is there anything here on a Saturday that people turn up to on their own?” will usually start a more useful conversation than scanning a wall of leaflets. Check the price, booking arrangements and finish time. You might want to stay with a newspaper today and return when an activity is on. Check local opening hours before travelling.
Go along as a spectator. A park run you can watch from a bench, an open rehearsal or a free community exhibition gives you something to look at besides the other people in the room. Ask whether spectators are welcome. If you want to talk, a question about the activity can be enough. If you want to sit quietly for a while, you already have a reason to be there.
When you’d like to get to know somebody
Choose something that happens again. If you liked the first visit, seeing a familiar face next time gives you somewhere to start. “Did you finish the scarf?” is a different opening from introducing yourself to another roomful of people. Before committing, ask how often the group meets and what you’d actually need to bring. A free class can still involve fares or materials that make it an expensive afternoon.
If the thought of walking in alone puts you off, ask the organiser for a name. “Who can I say hello to when I get there?” is a reasonable question. If a busy room is difficult to hear in, ask if there’s a quieter session or a small task you can do alongside one other person. If you use a wheelchair or need breaks, check access and seating with the venue. A photograph of the front entrance won’t tell you everything.
Volunteering can also give a visit a shape. Ask about one specific task, such as setting out chairs, sorting donated books or helping with refreshments. Find out how long it takes and whether there’s any training or regular commitment. If an hour once a month is realistic, say that at the outset. The NHS guide to loneliness includes interest groups and volunteering among the options to consider.
When the day has very little room in it
If you’re on a late shift, caring for somebody or having a low-energy day, starting a new hobby may be the last thing you need. Try changing one part of something you already do. Phone a friend while folding laundry, send a voice note about the match, or have your lunch somewhere you can see people passing. Choose whether you want to hear from somebody straight away or would be happy with a reply tomorrow.
There’s a difference between wanting something to occupy your hands and wanting to be listened to. You can have a table full of craft supplies and still want to tell somebody about your morning. It’s fair to put the project aside. Our guide to talking and loneliness looks at what a conversation can offer and what you can reasonably expect from one.
Choose the next occasion, if you want one
Afterwards, ask one practical question: “Which bit would I do again?” Maybe the gallery was too busy but you liked sitting with your friend on the steps. You can arrange to meet on the steps next time. Maybe the first group was pleasant but the bus home took ninety minutes. Look for the same activity nearer home, or something different at a time when the buses run more often.
Local events around Loneliness Awareness Week are another place to look for ideas. You can also check a library or community centre’s ordinary weekly diary at any time of year. There’s no requirement to make a new friend by the end of an event. Finding a place where you’d be willing to go back is a concrete thing to take away.
If you’d prefer an arranged chat at home, one option for UK adults aged 18 and over is to choose someone to talk to by phone. You can pick the appointment that fits around the rest of your day.
